Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
