Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
