you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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