I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
