He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I FOUND THE LEGS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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