So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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