Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
