Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
