the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
