I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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