I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
