I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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