Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We named our party play list daddy issues
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
