he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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