Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
