sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
