theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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