I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i think my cat just said my name.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
