I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
