Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize