i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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