OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize