I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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