I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
