Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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