I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
