There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
