my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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