I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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