you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
