That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
