It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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