Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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