There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
