I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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