i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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