He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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