there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
