I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize