I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
