I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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