Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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