She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
