i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
