I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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