I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
