I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He better not be in your backpack
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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