I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am available for nakedness
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize