mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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