wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
