i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
