he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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