ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
