she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
