So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
