Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
