he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
