I wish I could punch you in the face.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
