She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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