do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
