don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
