Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
