You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
