I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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