i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
3 2 1 whiskey
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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