So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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