found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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