sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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