Cold hands, warm shart.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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