I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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